Happy Heartiversary to Me!

Originally posted on my FB page:

The date almost slipped by me! 04/14/2005 is a day that I should never forget, but wouldn't you know it, I ALMOST DID! For all the talk I've done about celebrating on this day, the fanfare didn't happen. Let's just call it a testament to not letting the crappy stuff get me down...Ok, I'll fess up. I FORGOT. You'll stop to ask HOW if you know that 10 years ago I got the wake up call of a lifetime. As a new mom, even after your 3rd kid, you generally associate feeling run-down and being tired with the rigors of having a newborn. Falling asleep while nursing, not getting rid of the weight are all part of the everyday feelings of motherhood. While it's common to hear the words "congestive heart failure" and "cardiomyopathy", you truly don't expect it to be associated with you, a 34 year old woman who just her 3rd baby. You wouldn't think or expect to hear that having another child will likely kill you, even though having another kid was the furthest from your mind. You don't want to consider that the heart God has given you could possibly just stop at any moment.

10 years ago that was my life. My ♥ sisters will tell you, it's a moment you can't forget. Even after all this time, I'm on meds, as my cardio says, likely forever. I'm constantly in need to lose weight - the damn scale (it's really me that) is my enemy. How is it possible to forget? Do I think about it? Absolutely. Does it scare me. Hell. Yeah. The thoughts one has when laying in bed at night when all is quiet? Pretty frightening. My best explanation is that I didn't let that moment in 2005 define me.

We tell the kids all the time that life is all about choices. Every moment, every second, every thought, every action depends on YOU making the decision to do A, B, C or D. The path isn't always clear and it's never the same for anyone, but you should have an idea of where you want to end up. I've accepted that my choices, even with all the scary things, the feelings of loss and anger, the realization that it's all very finite, will bring me to place of happiness and contentment.

So 04/14/2015 has come and gone. I totally forgot the day, but I do remember my purpose: to live life fully with surrender, to know that I'm here for as long as I have, to share it with my loves, and to give back to all who will take what I'm offering.

Feel like you've been in that window with Jamie forever? We FINALLY got ep 109 tonight and it truly did not disappoint. The feels, people. The FEELS. There was so much goodness in this ep, that even if you hated some of it, *cough* ANYTHING to do with Leghair *cough**eyeroll* it was quickly erased by the fireside escapade complete with threats and retaliation. In honor of this goodness, I've decided to give away a cuff or a keyholder to a lucky fan. Just enter after midnight tonight PST.

Good luck and remember #outlandersdoepicshit

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